Oh, my kid brought the funny today.

This morning we were lounging on the couch, and Stella chose our rare moment of snuggling to attempt to yack on the rug.

I yelled "Go outside Stella!".

Payne asked "What her do, Mommy?"

"She threw up."

Payne: "Her need a bowl!"

Then he asked me "Mommy, you know you cute?".

Yes, yes I do, son.

(Ok fine. He only asked that because I ask him if he knows he's cute all of the time)

Then we went to the grocery store and he lifted my phone from my diaper bag to take this artistic set of photographs:


I sense some "entitlement of modern youth" commentary here. Hmm. Yes.



A baby shoe juxtaposed with cage-like material. Very deep. Are we ever really free?



Aaaand the only food he recorded was the ice cream. Poignant.

We went to dinner with my parents and on the way home Payne informed my father that he needed to clip the toenails of the dinosaurs at the zoo with his "pwiers" (pliers) and "then they be fixed".

Then my Mom got out of the car to pump gas, telling Payne "I can pump the gas because I'm strong!".

Payne's response: "You OLD".

Thank you, and good night.

Lord knows the boy loves a good costume.

However it has recently come to light that his sister, well, doesn't:



Payne was definitely the superior parent during this whole fiasco. I was cackling and taking pictures while he patted a sobbing Genevieve on the back saying "Is ok". Eventually he'd had enough and turned to me, saying "Take it off, Mommy.".

Sheesh. Ruin my fun, Mr. Responsible.

Funny things my kid says:

- "what's he's name?" I will mourn when he actually pronounces "his" correctly.

- This morning he sidled up to Genevieve, put his arm around her shoulders, and told her "Geev, you got to have fun.".

- "Gee-veev! Let's be teamwork!"

- "orn" as in "on". So my kid is embracing his southern locale?

- "My not in targe. You in targe." We've been having lots of discussions about authority lately. Heh.

- "Oh Woord" Hey, at least we got his taking of the Lord's name in vain down a notch on the scale of offensiveness...

Things parents consume at an alarming rate:

1) Plasticware.


I have no idea how anyone raised a child before the era of petroleum products.

No. Idea.

2) Paper towels.

Oh God, the paper towels. I can't remember the last time I had the honor of finishing a roll. They always get shoplifted out of the kitchen whilst I am unaware and disposed of. Payne once engineered a paper towel road through the kitchen, down the entry way, and through the family room while I was (apparently very focused on) doing the dishes.

3) Dairy products.

I'm fairly certain there's a cow somewhere out there with our last name stamped on it's withers. Both of my children have an ardent love for milk, cheese, and yogurt. Payne is roughly 80% dairy.

"Ma, I know cheese, and what's between these two crackers ain't it."

Further evidence...

That Genevieve is actually a Rodent Of Unusual Size.

 

I could line the tub with some cedar chips, throw in a nice XL exercise wheel, and save myself a lot of time and effort.

Ugh.

Tuesdays, eh?

I love them.

The other morning, Payne refused his breakfast, yelling "I dohn WANT my bredast cookie!".

I ignored. He furtively pushed it off of the arm of his chair.

It became very silent.

I looked up from my coffe cup as a result of the aforementioned silence, to find this:



Sneaky cookie snarfer, that one.

Of course Payne was incensed and insisted that he did indeed want that cookie and he would die without it now. Heh.

Payne aquired a new friend, Filmore:


I packed Filmore up for church this morning, and Payne then requested him. When I informed him that Filmore would be waiting to re-emerge until we were at church, he responded with "But turch is bad! Jesus wihw steahw Fihwmore, and then I wihw be MAD."

So I guess Jesus loves Volkswagons...

This afternoon Payne emerged from his nap ready for action:



Then Filmore was located and he scored some random Snapfish stickers:



and then he drew all over his legs with my pen. Heh.