- Last night at dinner, Payne had the good fortune of possessing the attention of both sets of grandparents at once. He took this opportunity to inform us that we were a team. Then he told us "bend your neck!", which we quickly figured out was an order to get us in a football style huddle...in the lobby of the crowded restaurant. And yeah, we did it. He gave us the following speech: "Hey guys, we're team Cwacker Barrels. Now, let's eat!." We were then allowed to break formation.
So I wake up this morning and have a very pleasant hour (from 6 am to 7 am) with my coffee. The day is off to an excellent start!
Then both kids wake up and I go about making them breakfast. I realize I never ran the dishwasher last night (I had to have it quiet while I watched Dexter, you know. Priorities). No clean sippy cups. Great. I find one with milk in it in the fridge for Genevieve and put a straw in a coffee travel mug for Payne.
While they eat waffles I start grilling the sandwiches I plan to pack for lunch. A very large beetle crawls out from under the oven. Ew. I deftly trap it under some tupperware and slide a piece of paper under it. I can't handle the idea of squishing it, so instead I carry it out to the back door and gracefully fling the whole apparatus in the general direction of the yard as I flee wildly.
Back to cooking. Payne needs help in the bathroom (this also ALWAYS happens when I'm scrambling eggs and they need approximately 10 more seconds). G throws all of her pear slices on the floor. I take a bite of my now cold and soggy waffle. I make sandwiches. Payne spills his milk through the 1/2 centimeter wide gap left unoccupied by straw in the coffee mug spout.
We all get ready. I take Payne to the dentist. He is exceptionally well behaved and I'm proud. The baby, meanwhile, threw a 10 minute long shitfit because I wouldn't let her have my phone. Oh, and when she was in a good mood she kept sprinting into all of the little individual exam rooms, looking back to make sure I was chasing her. Payne gets a good report, although the dentist says some of his tooth enamel never formed right (a fairly normal non-issue. It makes getting cavities in the affected teeth more likely.). She says this is caused by some sort of event like a maternal fever during gestation. I guess I broke him like four and a half years ago...So with that nice little dose of unexpected guilt we're off to the mall for a short shopping trip and a picnic lunch.
We get to the mall, I do my shopping while losing Payne approximately 6 times. He's the kid that you find staring at you from the center of the clothes rack. Nice. I get him to sit still for awhile in one store by allowing him to eat roughly $4 worth of dried blueberries in 15 minutes. We go to the play area, where Genevieve first squirts applesauce into my hair, and then repeatedly escapes to the point that I just give up and leave.
Payne has to pee. He runs into the elevator ahead of me and the doors close before I get there. Fortunately he manages to make them reopen after a harrowing 90 seconds. We take a 12 minute bathroom break. I lose him again on the way out of the store. A clerk asks me what is wrong with Genevieve's legs (they're always scratched up and welty because her skin is so sensitive and I'm really frustated it's still so hot that I can't keep them covered and protected all of the time). I fight my irritation. The clerk doesn't know it's a sore spot, duh. While we walk toward the outdoor mall I notice that Genevieve has taken one of her shoes off and is chewing on it. When we get outside I take it away to put it back on her foot and realize that she has permanently damaged the toe seam of her moccassin booties. I love those booties. She looks like a tiny clydesdale when she wears them. Honestly, I'm still sort of upset about it, which is really dumb.
I calm myself, find a lovely little outdoor sitting area, and get out lunch. Payne immediately starts pulling leaves off of the closest decorative potted tree. I yell. He becomes very well behaved and is eating nicely. Genevieve throws her first sandwich half on the ground, rejects her oranges, and starts running around trying to eat garbage et. all she finds on the sidewalk while managing to fall into every damp spot within a 50 ft. radius. I re-strap her into the stroller. She screams. I hand her the second half of her sandwich, which she eats. I turn to check on Payne and find him stuffing an entire fruit cup worth of mandarin oranges into his mouth at once. They're squishing through his fingers, falling all over the bench. I yell. I gag. Canned mandarin oranges are gross on a good day, and this visual is just....ugh.
Genevieve throws her bunny grahams. I pick them up. I turn around to find Payne happily playing with the cigarette butts in a nearby ash tray. I yell. I clean hands. He starts pulling the cushion off of the outdoor ottoman and flipping it around. I yell. He starts pulling leaves off of the tree again. I yell. I decide to go home.
They are both napping, thank the heavens.
I have given up for the day and it's not yet 1 pm.
We are all about the fall festivities here people. Houston gets a leeeetle manic, actually.
Personally, I think it's because October is the month where our burden of 100 degree highs is lifted (only a high of 90 today. Hurrah!). All of my fellow Houstonians rush outside to scamper about in relative comfort. There are tons of festivals, pumpkin patches, zoo boo, halloween carnivals, church fundraisers, and county fairs.
So today we did the small pumpkin patch. The big pumpkin patch will be this weekend. And yes, there will be a different set of coordinating (coughmatchingcough) outfits. I know you'll be waiting with bated breath.
Let's consider this the "getting our feet wet" pumpkin patch, where we're learning protocol for the more serious arena....
"So, ok. A yard full of vegetables. What do you want me to do exactly, Ma?"
"Ooh, G. We could smoosh them!"
(G stares on in a calculating manner)
(insert arm flailing and yelling on the part of the photographer)
"Orrrr we could use them as an obstacle course!"
Genevieve resigned herself to some light conditioning. Maybe next year.
"Oh wait, Payne. I think I figured it out...."
"I caught one! The damned gourd was fast, but I was faster."
but for two days now blogger has been rejecting my attempts at uploading them.
I'll admit I'm more annoyed by this than I should be.
I suppose for now I'll just have to tell you some funny stuff that Payne said.
- The other night at dinner, we set down a bowl of Edamame in the shell in front of Payne. He responded enthusiastically with "Beans!". We were all "Yeah, they're called Edamame". He corrected us "No, it's beans in dehr homes."
This is probably a good place to reveal that, when presented with sugar snap peas, Payne will methodically peel them apart, remove the teeeny "beans" inside, and eat them with relish. He discards the shells, of course.
- I was giving the kids a bath and Payne was getting increasingly irritated that the bath toys were floating into him. He eventually yelled out "My toys are tagging me!". Heh heh.
-Recently, Dan was talking to Payne about Halloween and was trying to give Payne an idea as to how far away it was. Dan said "You have to go to school six times."
"Dat's not nice to say dat word, Daddy."
-Genevieve is a thief. She has taken to sneaking into the pantry whenever possible, and nabbing a coffee creamer cup out of the giant box of them we keep on hand. Then she wanders away (to a carpeted area of course) and bites the cup until she breaks the seal, so she can slurp out the creamer.
I generally figure out that she's done this afterwards, based on her general level of stickyness and the fact that she smells like an oreo on steroids.
She did it twice just yesterday.
HOWEVER, my children have also both managed to melt my heart this week:
- Payne was leading Genevieve by the hand through the living room and I heard him tell her "Here you go, widdle wady (little lady)".
- Genevieve came up with her first two word phrase a couple of days ago.
It's "Nigh nigh dah-dee".
I think she just secured ice sculptures for her wedding day. "Dah-dee" is toast.
I wanted to go. I've been trying to go for at least five years now and no one would go with me. I calculated that the last time I had been was 13 years ago, when I was 16 (Wait. What? How the hell did that happen?), and decided this year I would find a victim and insist on being accompanied.
My sister quite willingly agreed. Our plan was set.
Witness our cultural education:
"No, I'm not in my pajamas, nor am I a mental patient. Why do you ask?"
Giant wooden swing ride:
This is why bringing along an indulgent aunt is an excellent idea.
His pony didn't pee. Win!
Various meats on rigid frames:
Who can put a price on meat on a stick?
The smallest wooden sword I could find:
He promptly re-titled himself "Dwagon Fighter".
Embarassing photo for the purposes of future blackmail:
My, that horse has some very fashionable shoes...
Who says no to an elephant ride? Well not I, apparently.
A helmet for the wee knight in training:
Or, as Dan put it; "The brave knight atop his noble steed".
My sister is awesome. It was a good time, even without copious amounts of ale or shopping in stores with breakables. And obviously, Payne came home with a near encyclopedic knowledge of the Renaissance; dragons, swords, knights, elephant rides, and sausage on a stick. Duh.
- Succesfully taught Genevieve to make the "It's good!" arm gesture every time she gets a giant plastic coin into the slot on her giant plastic piggy bank.
- Recorded this for posterity:
Poor Creepy Tiger Baby.
So every morning at some point Genevieve wanders back into her room. She notices Creepy Tiger Baby. She wants Creepy Tiger Baby. She reaches through the bars and grabs him. She yanks. She fails to accept the realities presented within the science of Physics. Creepy Tiger Baby is now hung by his exceptionally large plastic head. There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth (on the part of Genevieve, although I'm sure if CTB...can I call him CTB?... had vocal chords and the powers of animation then he would join in). I then save Creepy Tiger Baby from his inhumane circumstances. There is much rejoicing, which mostly manifests itself in gleeful drooling all over Creepy Tiger Baby's face.
That's pretty much it for today.
OH! But yesterday I managed to keep a straight face when Payne presented me with his 50s finned matchbox car and said "You see my car? It's called Horny. Dat's he's name.".