The games my children play.

Splatter

Playing field: Within the confines of a motor vehicle.

Rules: Player 1 inititates game by making eye contact with Player 2 and blowing raspberries as hard as humanly possible. This continues until exhaustion forces a player out of the game or the driver of the motor vehicle yells. The winner is the player most thoroughly drenched in their own saliva.

Hysteria

Playing field: The living area of a domestic residence.

Rules: Player 1 initiates game by making eye contact with Player 2 and laughing in an uncontrolled fashion. Player 2 reciprocates. Player 1 responds in kind. Repeat until nearest adult puts on a cartoon. The winner is the player closest to the t.v. when the aforementioned caretaker gives in.

Rocky Mountain Sheep:



Playing field: Anywhere.

Rules: Player 1 initiates game by approaching Player 2 and smashing their head and face into the opposition. Players then shove each other with their noggins until a player is pushed to the ground or the nearest adult interferes with play. The winner is the player furthest from the floor at the point of cessation of play.

Post-game, both players are thoroughly checked for any instances of profuse facial bleeding and asked how sumo wrestling with one's head can be sooooo funny.