A small confession:

I'm a complete baby clothing related prude.

Even with boys, I manage to find things worth my moral opposition. I won't put Payne in sleevless shirts, or shorts that are more than a couple of inches above the knee. I turn down shirts that say "Ladies man" or "L'il Romeo" etcetera. I've even spotted boys sweatpants with a phrase written across the butt, and turned those down as well.

With Genevieve, the list is endless:

-No halter dresses or tops. Because, you know, all of those babies in halters look just like Victoria's Secret models?

-No one shoulder dresses or tops.

-None of that one full shoulder and one spaghetti strap business. That there is for floozies.

-No off the shoulder dresses or tops.

-No sweetheart necklines. What exactly would the middle of the neckline be drawing down to reveal?

-No ruching at the center chest. Again, what optical illusion are we trying to create, exactly? Gross.

-No baby bikinis, and two pieces must cover her belly entirely. I don't want any 15 month old boys in shades checking out her chubby belly, you know.

- No baby heels (yes, these exist).

-No sassy phrases like "Little diva", "Flirt", "Daddy's Princess". Those are just...off putting.

-No writing on the butt.

-No glitter. I may lose this battle sooner rather than later.

-Hell, I'm not even crazy about true spaghetti straps (I prefer a flat, wider strap).

-No peep toe shoes. They're not work (read: playground) appropriate, guys. We don't want her encountering play place discrimination.

-No suggestive skirt gathers, like a raise in the hem at the thigh (Oh yes. I've seen this in the toddler section). I don't need no baby can-can dancer.

-No lingerie style lace. I bought some leggings with a wide lacy trim and found myself repulsed by the effect once they were on.

-No patches of transparent fabric (Seen this too, sadly).

Pretty much, if anything could be worn on a full grown woman and viewed as sexy, its not going on my daughter. As I've never seen a woman walking down the street in ruffle butt bloomers or a summer bubble (looking anything but ripe for institutionalization) I deem these items acceptable, even though they show a lot of baby leg.

I mean, I bought her this and it's really cute (and it was like 40% of its original price) but it still makes me vaguely uncomfortable:

This is all reeeeaaaally ironic, considering I have no qualms displaying her naked butt to the world...

Many of the things I won't buy aren't even remotely offensive to 90% of the population, so I know the crazy is all me. However, it doesn't go down quite as weird as it seems from my list. It's more like I'm shopping and flipping through the racks going "Nope. Nope. Nope. No way in Hell." but I don't think about why I've immediately rejected something until I'm dissecting my own reaction to it. The negative reaction is immediate and sort of visceral, and then I move on.

I'm pretty sure once she outgrows the toddler section of mainstream stores I'll be trying to order most of her clothes out of a catalogue that caters to fundamentalist Christians. She is going to haaaaate me. Ha!

Seeing as her father proclaims with great conviction that she is going to grow up and become a nun, I think we may compound each other's parental conservatism to a leeetle bit of an excessive degree. If any of my dear friends ever spot Genevieve sporting a neck to ankles jumpsuit while clutching a baby safe rosary, it might be time to sit me down for a talk.