Cue the Banjos.

I wish I could think of some phonetic way of providing you with the dueling banjos segment from Deliverance....



Let me paint you a slightly more elaborate picture:

It was hot. Dan was going to be out late and Payne didn't take much of a nap. I was feeling like too much of a pregnant heiffer to drag myself and the boy to the neighborhood pool. And damnit, I wanted my kid to fall asleep before 10 p.m., unlike the night before where he managed to entertain himself in pitch black with an empty Fisher Price Noah's Ark and a single match box car until directly before Dan and I went to bed.

My solution? Steal (Yes, steal! No permission was asked and they're out of town) the kiddie pool from my parent's back yard and fill it up on my front porch. The porch was necessary because it's the only covered outdoor area we have, and the backyard in the afternoon is comparable in heat levels to the surface of the sun. I then schlepped a kitchen chair and some bath toys out there and slapped a swim diaper on the boy (swim trunks? Psh, those are for people who put on airs).

So we were chillin in the front yard with a kiddie pool, in our skivvies (well, I was wearing sweat shorts and a tank top) for the world to see. On the plus side, I got all of my "bud-ez" (bushes) and "gas" (grass) "wawered" via giant Sonic cup (by hand folks! That's good service)for free, and Payne went down without at peep at 8 p.m.! I need to procure some hair rollers and a cigarette for next time.