Thursday, August 23, 2012

My little savants of destruction...

There is a scene from a movie that pops into my head almost daily.
In the film "Lord of War" (which is a fascinating and incredibly depressing couple of hours) there is a scene in which the main character (an illegal arms dealer) is mid air with a cargo plane full of weapons that he needs to ditch a.s.a.p. His colleague suggests they just land the plane in the middle of a third world country embroiled in civil war that they happen to be flying over and walk away.  The "hero" of the story thinks leaving behind all of this evidence is nuts, but has little choice, so they land.
The plane is abandoned in a field, still full of weapons.  Then a time lapse video follows in which a village discovers, empties, and dissassembles the plane for scrap....overnight.  It's completely mesmerizing to watch.  By morning it's as if the cargo plane and the guns had never been there.
I sort of feel like I live with a couple of those villagers.
Both of my small human charges seem to have a particular passion and skill for dissasembly.  I put things together, and they take them apart, with complete relish.
-If I open the fridge, Payne runs and Genevieve crawls (with an ominous "slap slap slap" of little hands on tile) towards the kitchen.  They swarm the opening and take as many condiment bottles out of the door shelves as possible before I shoo them away. Taking all of the fridge magnets down is another delightful past time, as is ripping the bottom front grate off and running around the house with it.
-Payne loves to open his full toy box and pitch objects out one by one until his room is carpeted with every variety of molded plastic animal/action figure/vehicle possible. Genevieve does the same with her sock drawer.
-If I happen to forget and leave the baby gate to the office door open, Payne runs in to systematically pull out anything breakable or dangerous while the baby rips all of the books off of the shelves.
-If I fold laundry and leave it below hip level I will return to find a pile of wrinkled clothes.
-If I fill a cardboard box with objects for storage and (stupidly) walk away, I will find it turned upside down with its former contents strewn about the house.
-Payne sneaks into the pantry constantly to reorganize the shelves and try to make off with a grinder of pepper or something.
-Both of them want nothing more than access to the shoe rack in my closet, which results in every shoe I own being a component of a mid-closet shoe pyramid.
-Genevieve sneaks into the bathroom and empties the garbage can, single object by single object.
- I left the pack and play folded up in the family room and when I returned Payne had it completely pulled apart with the mattress laid out on the floor and was gamely trying to set up the frame by himself.
-And most recently, Dan had been working on the inner components of the toilets but wasn't finished yet.  I left the tank cover to the toilet in a plastic garbage can leaning against the bathroom wall.  I forgot it was there and allowed Payne to go to the bathroom unaccompanied ONCE.
This was the result:
I'd give them, oh, 36 hours with a cargo plane in the family room, instead of 12. I mean they aren't professionals, and I refuse to give them tools that were manufactured by anyone other than Fisher Price.

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