When my child farted silently in church, but screamed "MY TOOT!", or shortly thereafter when he farted loudly but very nicely whispered "my toot".
And then he let another one rumble and just loudly cracked up at himself.
Either all of the people around me were deaf (a distinct possibility at a Saturday evening mass) or equipped with levels of stoicism I lack.
Note to self: No more dispensing of large snacks of apple slices directly before entering places of worship.