Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Why mothers of young children are thin:

- 2 minutes of being stationary is "down time" when the little monsters are conscious.

- Junior will invariably wait until you're eating  a lunch of, say, left over red beans and rice, to decide to poop.

- The mean little sprites always want what you're eating, even when its the only thing to eat in the car, they've already had their breakfast, and you haven't.  Avoiding the "Mommy you're starving your own CHILD" melt down is worth going hungry.

- Similarly, unless you want your kid to eat crap, you cannot eat wonderful delicious deep fried crap either.

- Pushing 50 pounds worth of kid around in a 30 pound stroller at the zoo/museum/mall for half of the day certainly feels akin to a half marathon.

- We can also throw in some "weight training" by carrying around the infant that refuses to hold on at all. And what's really cool, is one can start out with a 7 pound weight and be up to nearly effortless 30 pound exercises in roughly 2.5 years!

- Tending to children as they are eating often takes long enough that one's own food goes stone cold, and french fries just ain't worth eating that way.

Why mothers of young children aren't thin:

- Every restaurant that offers a play area employs roughly eight deep fryers.

- Kids never finish their food, and chicken nuggets are tasty.

- Kids don't eat sandwich crusts, and throwing away a crust of grilled cheese is a crime against humanity.

- Nap time and post bed time are for sitting completely still in silence.  Ask a Mother to get off of the couch at these hours and you are asking for death.
- Sometimes when you want to scream/throw up/cry, potato chips will make it all go away.

- When Junior finally succeeds in not crapping his pants for a day the only natural thing to do is celebrate with ice cream.

- After the kids are in bed at night, it's not always advisable to drink oneself into a stupor, but dessert has never been known to incapacitate a person, right?