My Love Hate relationship with Aquaphor.

When Payne was an infant he had a lot of problems with dry skin. His pediatrician and I went through tons of failed remedies before we found the miracle combo, Aquaphor all over his body before bed, and Cetaphil cream all over in the morning. I love Aquaphor because it kept my baby from having such severe dry skin that he would have open sores. I hate Aquaphor because it's pretty much clear peanut butter.

It's gooey, and messy, and sticky. I have multiple permanently stained shirts from the stuff getting on me. There are oil stains on Payne's bedroom walls from him flailing an arm or kicking a leg while I was putting it on him after his bath, and this was when he would still lie relatively still on his changing table!

We have tons of pictures of Payne as an infant where he looks, well, sort of artificially shiny, like this. Thanks Aquaphor!


(Ok, so maybe it's not that obvious in this picture and I just posted it because it's cuuuute! And, um, potentially larger than life size.)

I was thrilled when he grew out of needing the maligned goop, and Cetaphil after baths is all that is required normally. Unfortunately, when we visit West Texas the dry air is too much for his skin (God help him if he ever moves to Colorado, or Arizona, or Utah, or, like, anywhere that isn't a veritable swamp) and I have to start up the Aquaphor again. So we've been applying it after baths for a couple of nights now.

OH MY LORD. PUTTING THAT STUFF ON A TWO YEAR OLD IS NOT THE SAME AS PUTTING IT ON AN INFANT.

Payne throws his body around. I'm desperately trying to confine him to the towel I know I can wash on hot, while he tries his best to reach the carpet that isn't mine. Payne tries to "howp" me apply it. This involves rubbing the grease from his legs onto his hands and smearing it around all over, and if history serves as an appropriate model he will eventually rub it in his hair. I have to apply it to his bottom half, diaper and clothe it, and then apply it to his top half, and scramble to throw his shirt over his head before he smears it all over his pajama bottoms. I've had to recruit Dan to perform a three ring circus act of entertainment combined with continuous toddler hand swiping on the unfortunate Aquaphor recieving towel. I made the fatal mistake of wearing a dry clean only sweater while performing this dance tonight, and howled in a truly defeated fashion when Payne kicked me square in the merino wool with a gooey leg.

I broke a sweat folks. In December. Over a moisturizing product.